ABM

I used to (well, I'm still working on it) have a deep concern that I would end up in A Bad Marriage - bad meaning one where we didn't like each, couldn't communicate well, had lots of underlying hurts and issues. The way that marriage was talked about accumulatively left me with the impression that A Bad Marriage happens to you. You can't help it or stave it off. And so I had a great deal of fear that that would be me; that I would be a victim of ABM. 

The Lord has been teaching me that I haven't been right about that. He's pointedly showing me that ABM does not just happen to you. Contrary to the ways that I've perceived the topic, we have far more control over what kind of marriage we are in than I was led to believe. Every day - every time I open my mouth, really - I lead my marriage in one of two ways. I can either make choices that are life giving, that contribute to or deepen our friendship, that build trust. I can speak sweetly and honestly. I can communicate the best that I can even when I don't want to. I can hold hands or forget and keep them to myself. Or I can be lazy and selfish. I can stay on the couch instead of getting up to help him. I can say something snarky or sarcastic and create a tiny little wound, or just a habit of speech that isn't how I want us to talk to each other in 40 years.

I have been encouraged and inspired by the realization that the relationship we have in our early days can continue on for as long as we make it continue. If we are both walking with and pursuing God, if we are working daily to create the marriage that we want, if we are humble enough to change when needed, then maybe my reasons for being afraid are unfounded. Maybe being friends will continue on for decades and our love and bond will only deepen. Maybe if we choose to laugh, we will keep laughing.