Things I Don't Want to Forget

      The last year has felt like a dream. There have been mornings that I've checked my camera roll to make sure it's all real. It's been hard to wrap my head around the fact that after so many years - hard years - God has answered my prayers for a husband. And not just any husband, but literally the most wonderful guy I've ever met. 

     I had so many fears before meeting Patrick and in the early days of our relationship. I overthought everything, analyzed ever sentence that came out of his mouth, and found myself suspicious of him when he did nothing to deserve it. I looked and looked for red flags, always coming up dry. We laugh about it now, but I was...uptight. I just waited for the shoe to drop, for him to call me up one day and expose some big bad thing that would end it all, for a mean streak to appear, etc. etc. 

     But, he was simple. He didn't bring baggage, drama, lies, or selfishness into my life. He was the first guy who came into my world and simply made it better. He met my (unbeknownst to him) anxiety with the frequently said words, "I'm not going anywhere." He has been intentional and consistent from day one, and I've never wondered what he's thinking or feeling about me. It amazes me that two of his very first compliments were about the two things I disliked about myself the most and assumed someone else would dislike, too. He's an encourager, overflowing with words of affirmation and love. Early on, he told me "I know you've heard these things before. So I'm going to show you that I mean them." And he has. He has proven to me that "if he wanted to he would" is absolutely true. What a wonderful thing to not even know where to begin when people ask me, "What do you like about him?"  

     I've said it before, but if I had gotten married young, I would not appreciate this man. I'm thankful to have seen first-hand the dire options, even if it meant feeling so much pain. I'm thankful for the men who treated me poorly, who lied to me, who said hurtful things, who made me suffer due to their own lack of character. Because without them, I would not know how rare it is to find someone who doesn't lie, who treats me with respect and love, who always thinks of others before himself, who works hard, who exercises self-control, who embraces being a provider and protecter, and who is truly devoted to God and the truth.  

     We are just shy of two months into marriage and I found myself thinking earlier about how God was so kind to bless us with an easy relationship from beginning to present day. It was as if, after years and years of the most challenging and stressful heartbreaks, He said, "This one will be easy, and wonderful, and an answer to all your prayers and then some." I'm sure we'll come upon harder days, but what I do know is that God gave me the greatest gift in Patrick, whose character blesses me every single day. He holds me and prays before leaving for work and leads us in worship every evening. He reads beautiful liturgies just because, cares for me when I'm sick or down, has taken on my dog as his own responsibility, and serves without being asked. He works diligently and wants to do what's right. He calls me "my love" and hasn't held a grudge or gotten offended once since I've known him. He wants to listen to sermons together and doesn't take things too seriously. I write these things down because I never thought I'd be with someone like this, and I never want to forget any of it. 

     Every day is just a straight up good time of a blessing with someone who follows God sincerely. Whether we're up at 5:10 to go to the gym or both sick on the couch, it's peaceful and genuinely enjoyable. I did not know that marriage would feel like a private little party every day, or that I would be giddy every time I remember that I get to just be with him for the rest of my life. The isolation of being single and alone felt overwhelming at times, and I don't take for granted that now I have a best friend for everything that used to be painful. As I filled out a form today and put down my spouse's information, I remembered how even paperwork used to be a slap in the face while single, reminding me that I didn't have a life partner. I'm so very thankful for all the lessons learned in singleness and all the opportunities it afforded me. But the pain of that season makes this one even sweeter.