Suffering

  I recently had to write a paper for a class I'm taking. The assignment was to reflect on what I've learned about suffering, make it personal, include a few other people's perspectives, and bring Scriptures into it that have been meaningful. I love papers like this because it's basically like getting to write a journal entry about things that I already do think and write about. The only downside was that it could only be two pages long!

     When I think of my own suffering, the most helpful thing I have received is the gift of being remembered and seen. The nature of suffering is isolating, and that isolation is only made worse when people choose not to acknowledge what you are going through. It has helped and comforted me when others have cared enough to ask how I’m doing or send a text message to check in. Because it can be so lonely, I’ve noticed that suffering is accompanied by a longing to be seen, to be heard, and to be asked questions. It has helped tremendously to know that others are praying for me. It bolsters my knowledge that God is aware of what I’m going through, and He hears our prayers. My friend, Emma, has sat with me, listened as I wept and talked through a painful circumstance, and then prayed for me before we went separate ways. It truly helped. There was a time when I shared with an older lady some hard news in my life, and I couldn’t help but start crying. She started crying, too. It has been years since that incident, yet I remember it frequently. Her tears on my behalf said more than any words could, and the way that she cared touched me deeply. To know that another person even tries to feel your pain is balm to a hurting heart. 

     When I asked someone what was unhelpful to her in suffering, she shared a similar sentiment: when others communicated a lack of awareness of what she was going through, when they ignored her suffering, or when they simply ignored her. She also said that it was unhelpful, and I think a bit hurtful, when people shared their own experiences as she was sharing hers, as if to try to “one up” her. My pastor mentioned that in counseling those who are struggling, he has come to learn that there are words of truth that he refrains from saying because the counselee simply isn’t ready to hear them. 

     I was first introduced to suffering in the form of crushing disappointment at age 18, and it just continued from there. The fact that I was suffering took me by surprise – I naively thought that suffering was a one-time thing and after you served your time, you’d get to enjoy a happy life. It caused me to ask questions for the first time – does God care about me? Am I being punished? Do I actually believe the promises in the Bible? Have I fallen through the cracks? Does He love me less than others? Is my life story second best? 

     All of the above experiences and reflections point to the fact that suffering can be an all-consuming, lonely, mind-altering experience. It exposes our innate weakness. It can strip us of confidence, happiness, and the answers we think we know. Yet, it can be the greatest gift that God ever gives us.

     It was through asking those painful questions that I came to truly believe His Word. I learned in Psalm 119 that God was afflicting me for my good (vv. 67, 71, 75). I took hope in knowing that my afflictions were relatively light, and they wouldn’t last long. (2 Cor. 4:17) I found encouragement in knowing that so many good things were going to come out of my suffering like perseverance, character, genuine faith, and hope. (Rom. 5:3-5, 1 Pet. 1:6-7)

     One day I read from Psalm 84 and verses 11-12 hit me anew: “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!” Throughout the years I’ve clung to that verse when I am scared that I will only ever know suffering and never have a life with good things in it. I have also shared it with others who are suffering - it is rich with hope for us all. He is our protection and guiding light in the darkness of suffering. Far from bringing us shame or disgrace, He favors and honors us. He knows what is best for us and instead of withholding it, freely gives us exactly what we need. And when we trust Him? We are blessed. 

The gorgeous view as I sat outside earlier reading What Grieving People Wish You Knew, a book that has already made me cry on multiple occasions. So good.