I Saw You.

 I choked down tears for an entire day last week. I had been hit with bitter disappointment, the death of a dream...again. They never seem to get easier, do they? My heart felt like tenderized meat while my chest felt weighed down by a cinderblock. 

     In the car on the way to work, stuffing down the pain, I was made aware of John 1:48 where Nathaniel asks Jesus, "How do you know me?" 

     Jesus replied, "Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you."

     "I saw you." 

     I could not keep the tears from falling. I guess that was exactly what I needed in that moment - the assurance that He sees me. I am not alone. The tears flowing from my eyes are not pointless drops of water that only I know about. He knows about them too, because He's watching every time I cry, every time there's another blow and I don't think I can keep going.

     I could not help but feel emotion welling up inside of me as I imagined Him saying those words to me: "I saw you." With those words I'm comforted and the overwhelming isolation of sorrow lessens. With those words, some of my questions are answered. 

     He saw my internal pain and He knows its intricacies better than I do. My web of tangled emotions is not a disaster to Him. 

     He sees me right now, with compassionate eyes and a heart that would never inflict pain on me without great purpose. 

     But He's not just looking. He's working, too.