Thirsty

     I’m so thirsty, all the time. A thought that came to me late last night when sleep wouldn't. There's a deep longing and discontent within me sometimes that manifests itself. The more I thirst and long for various things in life, it’s like I’m drinking salt water, because the longings doesn't lessen but rather consume me even more. And I wonder why my thirst is never quenched. 

     Whatever thing that I crave, good or bad, will slowly take over my thoughts like a cancer. It is never enough. Nothing is ever enough. That rustling of "I want" in my head comes from a place of genuine need, but like a naive child, I go back to the light socket instead of towards the one thing that will make all other thirsts abate. And that genuine need? I foolishly think that hay and stubble will somehow meet it.

     Thirst begets thirst when you're thirsty for anything but Living Water. How do we not know this?? I'm learning that thirsting for God manifests itself in cravings for all kinds of lesser things that seem promising. That's how we work; we are sometimes programmed for self destruction. It's all pretty innocent, until it isn't. We just want to be happy, and that's not a bad thing. Then we coddle a pet substitute (or ten) for God and it's no longer innocence - it's idolatry. All other thirsts are just substitutes for what our souls are really longing for.

     Appropriately, I read these words of Sam Allberry today: "...it began to dawn on me that what I was actually craving in my soul is not found in the best of earthly friends or the greatest spouse. I realized that even if I had the best kind of friends this world could offer, it wouldn't be enough. It never could be. Our deepest aches and yearnings for intimacy will only ultimately be met in Christ." 

     My cravings aren't always for deeper friendships or a spouse (although those can be pretty intense sometimes). Often, it's a lesser desire that seems like it will make my life better. If I could just have a pleasant day spent in sweatpants at home. If only I didn't have to get up when it's still dark outside. As long as my car doesn't need repairs and I can save money. If only my near-constant back pain would be healed. As long as I get As. If only they were nicer to me. If I could just fall asleep at night without tossing and turning for hours. 

     God is teaching me that my longings are there for a reason and they're even a blessing in the shape of restlessness, sadness, or discontent. Let's be real: if I had everything that I wanted, would I desire to know God as much? Would I ask the hard questions of Him and see His word proven right and myself proven wrong over and over? Would I know Him as well or need Him as much? Would I have a testament to His faithfulness? Would I love Him as much as I do? Thirst points to a need. Something is wrong! I'm dehydrated, and I'm going to get a migraine soon if I don't get some water. 

     I think that what I'm learning, too, is that those cravings are as strong as they are because my thirst for God is sometimes so very small. The Psalmist says, "As a dear pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God." (Psalm 42:1-2) Oh, that I will thirst for Him more and more until I absolutely refuse the salt water in front of me, until I know how it tastes and what it does and I have no desire for it. It will not take away the migraine. It will make everything worse and I'll be desperate for more, more, more.

     Jesus is the living water and He’s right in front of me. He's a well that never, ever runs dry. Nothing compares to Him, either. I have access to that well when I wake up in the night desperate for a drink, during a (figurative, lol) marathon, and every moment in between. I want more and more after I've tasted His goodness, yes. But unlike the substances I tend to substitute Him for, my thirst for Him leads me to solid rocks beside flowing streams. I can be satisfied and I will always be filled. And instead of getting a migraine, I am filled with more joy and spiritual health and satisfaction. 

     It's the simple truths I have to remind myself of the most these days. As I cling to them, they become sweeter and sweeter. I don't have to be thirsty ever again.

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