I had to work on my attitude all day today. And when I say work, I mean work. It was hard and it hurt. I started the day choking back tears and thinking all the discouraging, depressing thoughts. And as a morning tutoring session turned into lunch and lunch turned into sitting at my computer trying to work, those overwhelming feelings and dark thoughts just would not go away. Do you ever feel like you're drowning? It was one of those days.
It's not easy to climb out of a trench of emotional hopelessness, but it's possible. Just because it's possible doesn't mean it's easy nor does it mean you'll actually feel like doing it. I really just wanted to cry for the foreseeable future and allow myself a day dedicated to self pity. (Just one day!)
Here's the thing: you can't wish the hurt away...or the anxiety, sense of emptiness, discouragement, or ______. You can't cover them up with Netflix, chocolate, mindless social media scrolling, or putting your hope in a brighter future. You can't distract yourself long enough for them to disappear completely.
There are people who get upset when you try to simplify the solution to a spiritual problem with, "Just pray and read God's word." And yet those same people will say that the answer to life's pain is found only in Jesus. I'm not here to argue one way or the other right now. I know that it really isn't simple - life, problems, solutions, any of it.
But. Where is Jesus found? He's right here with us. He's listening to our cries. And amazingly, He has a whole book written about Himself and His promises...for us. I really do believe that in order for us to begin to climb out of "the pit of despair," we have to go straight to Him.
Today I prayed pretty unfiltered prayers about things that hurt more than I can say. I just kept praying because talking to Him was better than talking to myself. He understands and has all the answers. I don't understand and I definitely don't have any answers. Today I had to preach the truth to myself, over and over again. I prayed it. I wrote it out. I tried (sometimes unsuccessfully) to redirect my thoughts towards it.
And you know what? It actually helped. What started as one of the darkest days I've had in a long time slowly became okay. Better than okay. I laughed at dinner and knew everything was going to be fine.
Let's be clear that there was no magic in sitting down with the Bible, nor was there magic in the words I prayed or wrote. My efforts and actions can never be efficacious in and of themselves. But God gives us means of grace, and oh how He uses them. It's His desire that we pray to Him, commune with Him, know His word inside and out, and when we do, it absolutely changes us - He changes us. The Holy Spirit works in all of those things to draw us to Himself.
The circumstances that caused my heart sorrow today haven't changed. They are still very much there. I could have binged a show all day or looked through old pictures that made me sad. I could have eaten tons of junk food or stared out the window and watched the rain fall. I could have put off my workload with the excuse that my brain just couldn't handle it. I could have taken a really long nap to avoid any and all emotions. (My go-to form of escape.) Those things might have eased the pain...for as long as they lasted. But they're all just false comfort. Temporary.
I used to feel slightly exasperated whenever I heard the phrase, "run to Him." It sounds poetic, but I mean, I can barely run...and is that miraculously going to fix everything? And once I get there (wherever "there" is), what next? Strip that phrase of its poetic flare and forget the fact that you're not athletic, because that's not the point. I get it now. Go. Go to Him. In your thoughts, go to Him. In your pain, go to Him. In every moment that feels so unbearable, just go. He isn't out of reach. He's near to those who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love Him. (Psalm 145)
Maybe you will be as relieved as I am that nothing you do can bring you peace and comfort. We can't try hard enough to get the pain to go away - even when we're trying something good like persistently reading the Bible and praying. It isn't our consistent quiet times that save us, but rather the God who meets us there. Effort doesn't save us from our misery. But, we can crawl/limp/stumble to the One who can. Sitting on my bedroom floor earlier today, these words filled me with relief and thankfulness to my Savior:
It's not easy to climb out of a trench of emotional hopelessness, but it's possible. Just because it's possible doesn't mean it's easy nor does it mean you'll actually feel like doing it. I really just wanted to cry for the foreseeable future and allow myself a day dedicated to self pity. (Just one day!)
Here's the thing: you can't wish the hurt away...or the anxiety, sense of emptiness, discouragement, or ______. You can't cover them up with Netflix, chocolate, mindless social media scrolling, or putting your hope in a brighter future. You can't distract yourself long enough for them to disappear completely.
There are people who get upset when you try to simplify the solution to a spiritual problem with, "Just pray and read God's word." And yet those same people will say that the answer to life's pain is found only in Jesus. I'm not here to argue one way or the other right now. I know that it really isn't simple - life, problems, solutions, any of it.
But. Where is Jesus found? He's right here with us. He's listening to our cries. And amazingly, He has a whole book written about Himself and His promises...for us. I really do believe that in order for us to begin to climb out of "the pit of despair," we have to go straight to Him.
Today I prayed pretty unfiltered prayers about things that hurt more than I can say. I just kept praying because talking to Him was better than talking to myself. He understands and has all the answers. I don't understand and I definitely don't have any answers. Today I had to preach the truth to myself, over and over again. I prayed it. I wrote it out. I tried (sometimes unsuccessfully) to redirect my thoughts towards it.
And you know what? It actually helped. What started as one of the darkest days I've had in a long time slowly became okay. Better than okay. I laughed at dinner and knew everything was going to be fine.
Let's be clear that there was no magic in sitting down with the Bible, nor was there magic in the words I prayed or wrote. My efforts and actions can never be efficacious in and of themselves. But God gives us means of grace, and oh how He uses them. It's His desire that we pray to Him, commune with Him, know His word inside and out, and when we do, it absolutely changes us - He changes us. The Holy Spirit works in all of those things to draw us to Himself.
The circumstances that caused my heart sorrow today haven't changed. They are still very much there. I could have binged a show all day or looked through old pictures that made me sad. I could have eaten tons of junk food or stared out the window and watched the rain fall. I could have put off my workload with the excuse that my brain just couldn't handle it. I could have taken a really long nap to avoid any and all emotions. (My go-to form of escape.) Those things might have eased the pain...for as long as they lasted. But they're all just false comfort. Temporary.
I used to feel slightly exasperated whenever I heard the phrase, "run to Him." It sounds poetic, but I mean, I can barely run...and is that miraculously going to fix everything? And once I get there (wherever "there" is), what next? Strip that phrase of its poetic flare and forget the fact that you're not athletic, because that's not the point. I get it now. Go. Go to Him. In your thoughts, go to Him. In your pain, go to Him. In every moment that feels so unbearable, just go. He isn't out of reach. He's near to those who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love Him. (Psalm 145)
Maybe you will be as relieved as I am that nothing you do can bring you peace and comfort. We can't try hard enough to get the pain to go away - even when we're trying something good like persistently reading the Bible and praying. It isn't our consistent quiet times that save us, but rather the God who meets us there. Effort doesn't save us from our misery. But, we can crawl/limp/stumble to the One who can. Sitting on my bedroom floor earlier today, these words filled me with relief and thankfulness to my Savior:
Not what my hands have done
Can save my guilty soul;
Not what my toiling flesh has borne
Can make my spirit whole.
Not what I feel or do
Can give me peace with God;
Not all my prayers,
And sighs and tears
Can bear my awful load.
Thy work alone, O Christ,
Can ease this weight of sin
Thy blood alone O Lamb of God,
Can give me peace within.
Thy love to me O God,
Not mine, O Lord, to Thee
Can rid me of
This dark unrest,
And set my spirit free!
Thy grace alone, O God,
To me can pardon speak;
Thy power alone O Son of God,
Can this sore bondage break.
No other work, save Thine,
No other blood will do,
No strength save that,
Which is divine,
Can bear me safely through.
I bless the Christ of God;
I rest on love divine;
And with unfaltering lip and heart,
I call this Savior mine.
His cross dispels each doubt,
I bury in His tomb
My unbelief,
And all my fear,
Each lingering shade of gloom.
I praise the God of grace,
I trust His truth and might
He calls me His, I call Him mine,
My God, my joy, my light
’Tis He Who saveth me,
And freely pardon gives
I love because
He loveth me,
I live because He lives!
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