And longer if I can
With another brother freshly engaged and soon to be married, I've been nostalgically thinking back on family life, growing up, siblings, and the like. It's crazy how you can't see things for the blessings they really are until they're already over, like your childhood, or living with your siblings before they move out. When you're 12, you can't imagine not living with them. You can't imagine not fighting over the remote or who gets the last chicken nugget, or having dance parties and laughing attacks in the kitchen. You can't imagine living separate lives. Then one day you wake up, look around, and realize that you're already living separate lives, and it's okay, but it hurts. It's happy, but it's kind of sad, too. It's good and right, but you might cry anyway.
I still remember the pain when C moved away. I remember being heartbroken, realizing that we would never be a family of 6 again. It was the sad end of an era; an era in which we ate dinner together every night, watched and quoted and laughed at our favorite TV shows, sometimes played Clue in the middle of the day just because, did a crazy amount of laundry, never really (ever) finished cleaning the kitchen, weeded the garden before going down to the creek for a swim, and knew that whatever happened, it would happen to us, together. If I could have seen into the future and had known that he would soon get married, move back, and have a baby, I undoubtedly wouldn't have been so sad. But, of course I couldn't, and it just felt like the end of something right.
While this season of observing a sibling moving on in life is a bittersweet time, I'm just grateful for the time that we have had together. I have memories to hold onto, the present to soak up and enjoy, and the future, which promises to bring many more family dinners, special holidays, and happy, normal days of enjoying each other and our growing family.
One day we might be spread out, unable to drop by, talk at church, or take a drive together. I may not get to make cookies at 10:00 p.m. with Caro, or whisper about life probs with C, or drive down to the waterfall with D. If life ever tears us apart, I know that I'll miss every part of it. Heck, I already miss parts of it. I don't know why God would give me siblings who check on me in the middle of the night as I'm lying on the bathroom floor with a stomach flu, hug me knowingly as I choke down tears in a crowded room, make me my favorite food just because, defend me no matter what, and love me despite…me. The design and purpose of having siblings is something I can't fully comprehend and certainly can't put into words, but what I do know is that it is one of the most amazing (and yes, sanctifying) types of relationships.
There's a reason people say, "it'll be over before you know it" and "enjoy it while it lasts." They're not kidding. Sometimes I feel like we should still be sitting around the kitchen table eating pb&j's cut into triangles. It will be over before you know it. And that is a hard truth to swallow, but a truth nonetheless.
There's one more thing I wish people would have told me, which I know now to be true. Siblings leaving home is hard, but be prepared for life changes that are better and sweeter than your 12 year old self could have ever imagined. That's the flip side of things. You don't lose brothers when they get married. You get more sisters. (!) Your love and appreciation for them doesn't diminish, but rather changes and grows as you watch them start a family. Sometimes, things feel right just because they're all you've ever known. And sometimes, other things come along that feel even more right, like getting new sisters, cute babies, and a bigger, better perspective on life.
I still remember the pain when C moved away. I remember being heartbroken, realizing that we would never be a family of 6 again. It was the sad end of an era; an era in which we ate dinner together every night, watched and quoted and laughed at our favorite TV shows, sometimes played Clue in the middle of the day just because, did a crazy amount of laundry, never really (ever) finished cleaning the kitchen, weeded the garden before going down to the creek for a swim, and knew that whatever happened, it would happen to us, together. If I could have seen into the future and had known that he would soon get married, move back, and have a baby, I undoubtedly wouldn't have been so sad. But, of course I couldn't, and it just felt like the end of something right.
While this season of observing a sibling moving on in life is a bittersweet time, I'm just grateful for the time that we have had together. I have memories to hold onto, the present to soak up and enjoy, and the future, which promises to bring many more family dinners, special holidays, and happy, normal days of enjoying each other and our growing family.
One day we might be spread out, unable to drop by, talk at church, or take a drive together. I may not get to make cookies at 10:00 p.m. with Caro, or whisper about life probs with C, or drive down to the waterfall with D. If life ever tears us apart, I know that I'll miss every part of it. Heck, I already miss parts of it. I don't know why God would give me siblings who check on me in the middle of the night as I'm lying on the bathroom floor with a stomach flu, hug me knowingly as I choke down tears in a crowded room, make me my favorite food just because, defend me no matter what, and love me despite…me. The design and purpose of having siblings is something I can't fully comprehend and certainly can't put into words, but what I do know is that it is one of the most amazing (and yes, sanctifying) types of relationships.
There's a reason people say, "it'll be over before you know it" and "enjoy it while it lasts." They're not kidding. Sometimes I feel like we should still be sitting around the kitchen table eating pb&j's cut into triangles. It will be over before you know it. And that is a hard truth to swallow, but a truth nonetheless.
There's one more thing I wish people would have told me, which I know now to be true. Siblings leaving home is hard, but be prepared for life changes that are better and sweeter than your 12 year old self could have ever imagined. That's the flip side of things. You don't lose brothers when they get married. You get more sisters. (!) Your love and appreciation for them doesn't diminish, but rather changes and grows as you watch them start a family. Sometimes, things feel right just because they're all you've ever known. And sometimes, other things come along that feel even more right, like getting new sisters, cute babies, and a bigger, better perspective on life.
How long will I love you?
As long as stars are above you
And longer if I can
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| November, 2015 |
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