Learning and Growing
"Here's to 2014, which I know will hold a lot of incredible things."
I penned those words on this blog at the end of 2013. Little did I know that 2014 would be the most challenging year yet. When I think of adjectives to describe 2014, "incredible" wouldn't even make it on the list.
The year started full of excitement for the first wedding in our family. I mean, we were all totally and completely thrilled. It was a season of life that I hope I never forget. It was full of firsts, of changes - the good kind! I remember thinking pretty often, "I don't know how life can get any better than this!" It was that great. (It did get better, when a little baby entered the family earlier this month. Holy cow, so much love.)
After the wedding, though, the excitement was over, and I couldn't keep my mind occupied with wedding thoughts every waking hour. And in the next several months, life slapped me in the face with its lessons that I suppose we all have to learn at some point. I dealt with extreme disappointment. Like, I-didn't-even-know-you-could-be-that-disappointed disappointment. I watched someone die for the first time. I spent several weeks in physical hell. (I think that word is appropriate when talking about second degree burns covering one's face.) I wrestled with decisions, and looking good and hard at my life and my future. I struggled with uncertainty and just not knowing what and where I should be in life. Everyone else seemed to have a plan, and know exactly what they wanted to do with their life. I didn't, and it felt terrible. I had days of not feeling worth much at all, and not being able to come up with reasons why anybody should like me, much less love me.
As hard as 2014 was, I have to admit that I learned a lot. And those lessons are by no means over, or completely learned yet. But through all the heartache, doors for learning and growing were opened. I learned that I was disappointed mostly because my expectations were wrong. I learned that death WILL happen - to all of us- and while ridiculously painful, it's not a bad thing. I learned that being physically miserable gave me more tolerance and sympathy for those who suffer, and more gratefulness for my good health. I learned that I hate waiting, and I have a lot of work to do in that department. If we're being honest, I still struggle with waiting for direction and clarity. But I know there's a purpose in everything, even seemingly pointless frustrations. And I realized that no, there may not be any good reasons why people in my life should love me, but they do, and I love them fiercely for it. I'm nothing special, but I have an amazing family and wonderful friends, and I don't deserve any of them.
I also learned a lot of cliche, basic things, such as: You are not defined by what you wear or how you look. Your worth does not come from other people, nor their approval. Nothing will satisfy you except the Lord. People are people and we're all going to let someone down at some point. Loving unconditionally is easy to read about but hard to do. True friends are worth more than gold. Seriously, treat them like the treasures they are and don't let them go. People change. This seems like the most obvious statement of the century, but I didn't really witness it much until last year. Resenting that change doesn't hurt anyone but you. It's a waste of time to be upset about things you can't change.
Life is NOT like a movie. There's no background music, and the drama and ups and downs aren't actually pleasant in real life like they are on a screen. It's not going to end with everyone getting exactly what he/she wants. That's because we humans have to deal with reality, which includes living on a planet with billions of sinners. Put that many people sinning in one place and bad things are bound to happen.
One of the biggest things I learned last year is that despite sin, despite all the hard things, I can still go to bed every night and thank God for everything He's given us, for everything He's doing, and most importantly, for everything He is. If He took away all of our earthly possessions today, we would still have dozens of reasons to praise Him. If He stripped me of everything I think is valuable, He would still be completely good. Thankfully, He doesn't give me what I want. He gives me what I need. As John Piper said, He is glorious, beautiful and magnificent in His manifold perfections. They are infinite, eternal, and unchanging. Despite my sin, He forgives me when I repent. I can go to bed at night knowing that I am forgiven, loved, and cherished by God. The story of Job has greatly reaffirmed to me that God is greater than any suffering. I pray that even if everything was taken from me, I would be like Job, who "did not sin, nor charge God with wrong." (Job 1:22)
We need nothing more than Jesus. Instead of spending our days worrying about life, we could spend them just praising Him, and we would never run out of things to praise Him for. It's simple, but we make it hard. So often in our prayers we focus on asking God for things. We spend more time asking Him to give us what we think we need instead of simply praising Him. He has already given us everything we need. He came so that we may have life, and have it more abundantly. It really is true that if we turn our eyes upon Jesus, in the light of His glory and grace, the things of earth will grow dim. That is my prayer.
I penned those words on this blog at the end of 2013. Little did I know that 2014 would be the most challenging year yet. When I think of adjectives to describe 2014, "incredible" wouldn't even make it on the list.
The year started full of excitement for the first wedding in our family. I mean, we were all totally and completely thrilled. It was a season of life that I hope I never forget. It was full of firsts, of changes - the good kind! I remember thinking pretty often, "I don't know how life can get any better than this!" It was that great. (It did get better, when a little baby entered the family earlier this month. Holy cow, so much love.)
After the wedding, though, the excitement was over, and I couldn't keep my mind occupied with wedding thoughts every waking hour. And in the next several months, life slapped me in the face with its lessons that I suppose we all have to learn at some point. I dealt with extreme disappointment. Like, I-didn't-even-know-you-could-be-that-disappointed disappointment. I watched someone die for the first time. I spent several weeks in physical hell. (I think that word is appropriate when talking about second degree burns covering one's face.) I wrestled with decisions, and looking good and hard at my life and my future. I struggled with uncertainty and just not knowing what and where I should be in life. Everyone else seemed to have a plan, and know exactly what they wanted to do with their life. I didn't, and it felt terrible. I had days of not feeling worth much at all, and not being able to come up with reasons why anybody should like me, much less love me.
As hard as 2014 was, I have to admit that I learned a lot. And those lessons are by no means over, or completely learned yet. But through all the heartache, doors for learning and growing were opened. I learned that I was disappointed mostly because my expectations were wrong. I learned that death WILL happen - to all of us- and while ridiculously painful, it's not a bad thing. I learned that being physically miserable gave me more tolerance and sympathy for those who suffer, and more gratefulness for my good health. I learned that I hate waiting, and I have a lot of work to do in that department. If we're being honest, I still struggle with waiting for direction and clarity. But I know there's a purpose in everything, even seemingly pointless frustrations. And I realized that no, there may not be any good reasons why people in my life should love me, but they do, and I love them fiercely for it. I'm nothing special, but I have an amazing family and wonderful friends, and I don't deserve any of them.
I also learned a lot of cliche, basic things, such as: You are not defined by what you wear or how you look. Your worth does not come from other people, nor their approval. Nothing will satisfy you except the Lord. People are people and we're all going to let someone down at some point. Loving unconditionally is easy to read about but hard to do. True friends are worth more than gold. Seriously, treat them like the treasures they are and don't let them go. People change. This seems like the most obvious statement of the century, but I didn't really witness it much until last year. Resenting that change doesn't hurt anyone but you. It's a waste of time to be upset about things you can't change.
Life is NOT like a movie. There's no background music, and the drama and ups and downs aren't actually pleasant in real life like they are on a screen. It's not going to end with everyone getting exactly what he/she wants. That's because we humans have to deal with reality, which includes living on a planet with billions of sinners. Put that many people sinning in one place and bad things are bound to happen.
One of the biggest things I learned last year is that despite sin, despite all the hard things, I can still go to bed every night and thank God for everything He's given us, for everything He's doing, and most importantly, for everything He is. If He took away all of our earthly possessions today, we would still have dozens of reasons to praise Him. If He stripped me of everything I think is valuable, He would still be completely good. Thankfully, He doesn't give me what I want. He gives me what I need. As John Piper said, He is glorious, beautiful and magnificent in His manifold perfections. They are infinite, eternal, and unchanging. Despite my sin, He forgives me when I repent. I can go to bed at night knowing that I am forgiven, loved, and cherished by God. The story of Job has greatly reaffirmed to me that God is greater than any suffering. I pray that even if everything was taken from me, I would be like Job, who "did not sin, nor charge God with wrong." (Job 1:22)
We need nothing more than Jesus. Instead of spending our days worrying about life, we could spend them just praising Him, and we would never run out of things to praise Him for. It's simple, but we make it hard. So often in our prayers we focus on asking God for things. We spend more time asking Him to give us what we think we need instead of simply praising Him. He has already given us everything we need. He came so that we may have life, and have it more abundantly. It really is true that if we turn our eyes upon Jesus, in the light of His glory and grace, the things of earth will grow dim. That is my prayer.
"The seasons change and you change, but the Lord abides evermore the same, and the streams of His love are as deep, as broad, and as full as ever." // Charles Spurgeon
"Life has a way of testing our anchors and tempting us to drift. Nevertheless, if our anchors are correctly placed in the rock of our Redeemer, they will hold no matter the force of the wind, the strength of the tide, or the height of the waves." // Dieter F. Uchtdor
"Do not despair, dear heart, but come to the Lord with all your jagged wounds, black bruises, and running sores. He alone can heal, and He delights to do it. It is our Lord's office to bind up the brokenhearted, and He is gloriously at home at it." // Charles Spurgeon
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Stay strong,
-Em