"You feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it."

     Grief hits when you don't expect it. One minute I can be laughing, and 90 seconds later, my chest feels heavy and I have to leave the room before I burst into tears. What's even worse, though, is how even when you're laughing, the sadness is there. The laughing is just a cover up.

     I used to wonder how people who just lost a loved one continued on with normal, happy stuff. I wondered how they could still post lighthearted things on social media, and how they could hang out with friends and act like nothing was wrong. I get it now, though. You have to. Even though your mind is basically consumed with grief, you can't act like it 24/7. You have to at least try to think of something unrelated to your loss. And the tiredness! I never knew grief left you so exhausted. I don't feel strong enough for anything right now. I go to sleep, and shortly after waking up, I'm ready to sleep again.

     Today Granddaddy wanted to go to Grandmother's grave, so I took him. He rearranged the flowers on top of the mound of dirt, and stood next to them while I took a picture. On the way home, we talked about how Grandmother's smile never left her even when she was in great pain, and how much she suffered through the years. Then we talked about how we can not even fathom how amazing heaven is, and how happy we are for Grandmother.