Thoughts on a Tuesday night

     Sometimes the need for so many reminders is overwhelming, suffocating. But they are all within reach. Open God's word and you will be reminded. Reminded of what is true and what is right. If only opening His word would be my first instinct in every situation. 

     I've had the mindset and expectation  of things changing and hard things lasting only for a short season. But I'm realizing more and more that some hard things don't end, and it has been wrong for me to assume that they will. Some hard things will always be there as a reminder of sin, of fallenness, but also of grace and His unconditional love. 

     What needs to change is not the situation, but my reaction to it. If only I could fall on my face with words of thankfulness instead of pleas for release. If only I could smile and move on instead of staying in the same spot of confusion and disappointment. If only I could pick my head up and laugh it off instead of putting my head down and crying. 

     With God I will get there. I cling to the hope that what they say is true - things get easier and pain gets duller and bad memories fade.

     Earlier, all I could say was, "I want to leave. I want to leave this behind." Overly dramatic, perhaps. Disgustingly ungrateful, yes.  I've written on this very page that running away from our problems isn't the answer, but there I was unashamedly admitting that I'd love to. It's ridiculously tempting to dream about starting over and new slates and erasing things. People would be nicer, climates would be better, situations would be clearer, bodies would be healthier, life would be easier. The grass is always greener, isn't it?

     Of course it's not. Grass is grass. People are sinners. There is nothing new under the sun. 

     So here I am, having to remind myself of the same things yet again. It's my occupation. Remind myself, forget, remind myself again. Repeat daily. (Hourly.)